Since my last post, a lot has been going on - two marathons, a couple of 5k and 10k races, and of course, the big one - the Iowa Games Triathlon yesterday, which was going to be my first. Notice the word "was".....the day didn't go as planned, or at least didn't turn out the way that I had hoped. Finding the necessary time to work out during the school year is difficult as well - add to this the stress of being "pink-slipped" along with every other employee of my school district (granted, more form over substance, but still - stress) and even now, still not having a contract to sign.....yeah, stress levels have been higher than normal.
Swimming has been going - sort of well, some days. Other days, I feel like I'm taking two steps backward. My coach says that I have natural buoyancy (he actually tells me that he envies how buoyant I am, that it's a gift). My Achilles heel is my anxiety and stress, which all comes from the breathing and timing of swimming. Everyone tells me that it is just time in the pool, and one day it will click, it will happen, and it will be effortless. I'm waiting for that day, impatiently. But it requires me getting in the water more frequently. It requires commitment.
With the Iowa Games Tri approaching, I decided last week that I should get at least one open water swim in before I attempted the tri. So last Friday, my friend Ruth and I met coach Scott out at Easter Lake, where the tri is held. I had my wet suit on, and once we got in the water, we swam out into the designated swim area, then past the ropes and out further to a wake buoy. I admit, I was panicked and had a TON of anxiety. For about 10 minutes or so, I really battled to lower my hyper-breathing and my heart rate. Once we were at the first buoy, we treaded water, talked a little and I realized that what Scott had told me is true - it is almost impossible to sink in a wet suit. It adds that extra buoyancy (and in my case, it bolsters my confidence). We then swam a longer distance to another wake buoy, with Scott and Ruth really crowding and bumping into me, so I could get a feel of what it would be like surrounded by other swimmers. At this point I was able to crawl stroke and flip to a back stroke as needed. I was able to get my breathing somewhat under control, and start to not focus so much on total disaster but actually stroke and sighting on the water. And at this point I also realized I needed a different pair of goggles, as the bright sun and glare on the water made it very difficult to focus and sight easily. We didn't have much additional time, as a park ranger yelled at us to get back in the designated swim area. So, OWS was over, but I was feeling a little more positive about the tri, provided I could have the wet suit on to give me the confidence to get through the 400 meters.
Saturday afternoon, we trekked to Exile Brewing for packet pickup. I talked to the race director, explaining my swim ability, anxiety, and asked that if the race wasn't wet suit legal (water temp of 78 degrees or higher), if I could still wear the wet suit and not be considered for age group placing (which undoubtedly wouldn't happen anyway). He was polite but didn't really give me a firm "yes" or "no". However, he did ask another guy standing in the packet pickup area for the best advice to give me - to which this guy replied "tiny little bubbles".......... And then, of course, some other guy said, "Here's some advice - don't drown!" I heard him the first time he said it, and he repeated it four more times - thinking he was so funny. What a jackass. Sigh....the RD did recommend a book to download from Amazon onto my Kindle - "Learn2 Practice", about swim technique and drills. I did read this on Saturday night, and felt more positive about Sunday.
Sunday arrived - up at 4:45am, loaded and out the door by 5:45, arriving at Easter Lake at 6:15. Ruth and I racked our bikes, laid out our gear, picked up our timing chips, used the bathroom...and then I heard the announcement "No wet suits allowed today". A little panic, but I thought "I'll talk to the RD again". And I did see him almost immediately. Talked. He said absolutely no way. He explained that he didn't want anyone to be in a wet suit and have their core body temp rise so high that it would cause heat stroke and problems on the bike or swim. I get it, I really do. I understand safety is paramount. But immediately, I shut down mentally. I knew that with my anxiety, heading out into open water without my "crutch" of the wet suit, I would panic, forget the basics, and have a literal "no good, very bad day". Ruth, Brian, Kyle, and several other friends talked to me - they were so positive, so encouraging, so supportive - it was hard to make the decision to not swim, to not do the tri. I was a mess, mentally - I cried for at least an hour. I felt like I was letting everyone down, I was letting myself down. But also my huge fear of failure was looming, larger than everything. So, after some time by myself, I unracked my bike, repacked my gear, turned my timing chip back in, and resolved that my first tri would happen, just not today. When I'm ready for it, I'll be positive and ready to jump in the water, wet suit or not. And yesterday, I wasn't ready for that.
Once the decision was made, I did text my coach Scott, to let him know what had happened and my decision. His response: "Smart move, I'm very proud of you!" I know I wasn't ready for it, and he knew it, too.
One final thought....I have met some wonderful people through running, biking, and training for a triathlon. The lady pictured with me below is a true inspiration. Ruth lives in Pennsylvania and flew out to Iowa for a few days to do the Iowa Games Tri with me and knocked it out of the park - and she even managed to fit in an impromptu 5k at Saturday's Midnight Madness. She truly has an "Ironheart" and is my hero! :)
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